Everything

the names I have called myself….

"You wear your heart up on your sleeve... so watch out for pickpockets" -Big Sean

 

Naive… because I trusted you with my entire life… i admired you… and even more did I admire your wife because she was the epitome of perfection…so excuse me for not seeing eye to eye with you… well even if i wanted to see eye to eye i can’t…because you have forced my face into this smelly pillow… so many sick fucks in this world… i really wish you were an expecption… I am naive to think your perfect ladys pussy was enough…. Call me foolish…for dressing in clothes that fit my slinky body…. I should have covered up… I am sorry for asking for it… call me a Slut…..

 

I used to blame our encounter as a reason for all the sex because I didn’t act like that before… I used to tell myself it didnt matter anymore… call me a whore… for all the self inflicted pain I endure… so much shame while i’m on on the floor… next to my cotton drawers…. The ones i put right back on after… the ones I fucking burned after… remember you told me to shower after… why would you tell me to shower if nothing happened…

 Call me depressed… most likely post traumatic… because the me that I became after you forced that thing in me… was different… the change was so dramatic… then i went as a woman and told your wife… and she was on your side of course… i bet you were ecstatic…not only did you see a bright chick.. Dreamed about her lady parts… and decided you could have it… but no one asked me… and call me an idiot for not seeing what was happening… until it happened…

 

OUCH… fuck….

In

Out

Its still out.. Maybe its over…

NO… back In……… still in… why is it still in…

Back out….

And then it that was it… and there i was… exposed.. Sore…listening to the sound of your belt latching…

 

I just left…. Because i felt so low… just call me nasty….

 I can’t believe I let trust and loyalty distract me… and now I am nothing… call me empty… because that’s what I am… since your,tiny,slimy dick attacked me….

My name is powerless… I wish you were as little as your penis… because maybe i could have broken free… I should have done anything… because now… you have stolen me… and broken me… then you bought me something pretty… like you raping me should be worn like a fucking token on me… just keep it….

 Like I’ve been keeping this dirty secret… for all these years it used to hurt me just to think about it… but the time has come to speak about it… you called me a hoe… because I said yes for once… and you got jealous when the time came for me to WANT to lift up my dress for a man i liked for once…

 Call me a bitch again… tell me I will never get a man… I dont care what you say… the day of that sick deed you did was the last time you had the upper hand… I will never be at your disposal again… I can’t believe I am writing this… I can’t beleive I am reciting this… i dont know why i am worried he probably wouldn’t give this piece the time of day…. Why do i care anyway?

 I guess even a soultie happens whether you wanted it or not… so I could scream I hate you on a mountain and this hold you have on me would still be here to stay…

 So many wasted years wishing your stench would wash away……….

 

 

This was inspired by one of my FAVORITE people on WP… this piece she posted spoke to me… and this is what came of it… please also take the time to enjoy the piece that inpsipired me!!!!

https://braveandrecklessblog.com/2017/05/25/the-name-they-call-her-3/comment-page-1/#comment-7565

25 comments

    1. It does. It’s the only time it’s been acknowledged ever. And it feels good. Like i don’t have to be sad about it. And there are other women who came to me about their rape. I entwined what it so similar about all of us out here who lost control.. I felt like I was reading it naked. Or something. Weird. But refreshing

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Feeling so much strength today. But also sadness that any of us has to have this kind of strength. Fighting our way back to who we were before abusive people took our souls away… I’m still trying to get myself back. I’m proud of you and admire your courage ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Striking a quick and decisive blow against pain. So powerfully expressed and I do not find it odd at all that Christine’s words sparked this poetic immolation…she, like you..you, like she…warriors of strength.

    Liked by 1 person

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